& when it comes to him
i never let myself feel
never let myself see
never let myself say
never let myself be
honest enough to give myself away

& even still
it’s unspeakable
no words
to my love
& no way
to define
no way to explain
why i stayed for so long

‘cause i miss him
but he won’t even look at me

& no words
to attach
to the tears that
roll down
& roll down
& roll down
so instantly
so easily
so naturally
like i never left

& i miss him
but i’m so much happier with him
but i miss him
i guess there’s no
way around
the ex-boyfriend-got-a-new-girlfriend blues


OBJECT

there was a boy
who held an object
with tightly wound fingers
‘cause it pleased him
and he never wanted it to leave

there was a boy
who held me
on winter nights
with tightly wound fingers
‘cause it pleased him
and he never wanted me to leave

there was
a boy
who knew how to hold me
when i was scared
& a boy
who knew how to soothe me
when i was hurt
& a boy
who loved me
he loved me
he loved me
& now he won’t even look at me
he’ll only look at her

& i know every part of his body
& you don’t know shit
you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into
& you don’t know shit
you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into
& i don’t even want him
that’s why i left him
but he won’t even look at me
he won’t even look at me
& i don’t even want him
that’s why i left him
but he won’t even look at me
he won’t even look at me

 

and this is probably
the most selfish song i ever let myself write
but it was time
that i was honest
about the desperation and destruction of love

‘cause i miss him
but i’m so much happier with him
but i miss him
i guess there’s no
way around
the ex-boyfriend-got-a-new-girlfriend blues

and i used to say i was just an object to him
i don’t need to stand for that shit anymore
but to me his heart is mine
hey bitch, it’s mine